Conversations with the inner critic

In this episode, I talk about a recent conversation with my inner critic in which I had to set new boundaries regarding my identity and definition of self-worth.

Also, I talk about talent and the fact that it is often overrated. For some people, it can even become an excuse to do nothing, but once we understand that everything can be learned and humans are built for progress, magic starts to unfold.

It is all about the journey, not the destination.

Enjoy!

Music: Through the Woods by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Picture:  By Priscilla Du Preez found in Unsplash

Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram for more content.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Mona Lisa Soul Podcast.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for being here.

My name is Carolina, and I will be your host in this space created for you and me to discover the principles of greatness together.

This podcast will be full of stories about mastery, determination, and resilience. Stories of people like you and me, which prove that we all have the power to unlock our full potential and go from ordinary to Masterpieces.

The name of today’s episode is “Conversations with the inner critic,” and it is very special for me because it’s being recorded just after returning from a vacation to my hometown in Colombia. 

A vacation that was relaxing, challenging, and transformational all at the same time

For those who are unaware, I live in Munich, Germany, but I'm originally from Medellin, Colombia.

Even though Medellin is hundreds of kilometers away from Germany and I have been living in Europe for almost nine years, Medellin is still the place I call home.

 I try to go home at least once a year, so this trip was just part of my yearly routine. 

However, this was the first time in many years that I was there without having a permanent job waiting for me in Europe.

 And, while it feels fantastic to be able to choose what I do with my time and just hop on a plane to visit family and friends, I misjudged how easily my current circumstances would spark my fears about money and success. I underestimated how much my inner critic would love this setup.

 Yet, as a result of all the emotions I've experienced in the last month, I was able to embark on a deep reflection process that inspired this podcast episode.

An episode that feels very personal, but that I decided to record, hoping that my new perspectives can be useful to you on your own journey as well.

 For those who are listening to the podcast for the first time, it may be useful to know that once upon a time I used to work for a large automotive company, but then I decided to quit my job and start the Mona Lisa Soul project. 

 This was not an easy decision to make, but I believe it was necessary. 

For many years, I felt a strong calling toward entrepreneurship, but I was not really in a hurry to take the step. 

To be honest, everything was going well with my corporate career; I was still learning a lot of new things and developing professionally.

But at some point, I started to notice that my ego was feeding off the persona I built around my corporate career. 

So, I figured out that the longer I waited, the harder it would be to make the step. 

And, once I understood that one of my missions on this planet was to help others fulfill their potential, it was easier to convince myself to jump out of the corporate world and build something where I could satisfy both my desire to be an entrepreneur and my life purpose. 

 I know it sounds very romantic, but being an entrepreneur is a bumpy, lonely ride.

We all know that entrepreneurship requires a lot of hard work, dedication, and resilience. 

Still, what is not so obvious is that it demands that we start looking at our inadequacies.

And this comes with facing very deep fears and confronting things that one might have avoided for many years.

 In my case, my recent trip to Colombia forced me to confront the emotional consequences of no longer having that corporate identity, which over the years, became a very important source of validation for me. It was sort of a symbol of my worthiness.

And I kind of knew that I would have to deal with that once I was out of my corporate job, but I was not aware of how attached I was still to this identity.

 And to be very honest, I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety when I first began to realize this.

This was amplified by the fact that whenever I go back home, it feels like traveling into the past. Things haven't changed much over there, and this certainly triggers many memories and wounds that are not always easy to deal with.

To paint the picture, in my town, there are still the same people with the same jobs, living in the same houses, and having the same conversations over and over.

 I have been struggling with that since I was a child. I knew from a young age that I wanted to explore the world, discover different cultures, learn languages, and build an international career. 

And to be honest, I always struggled with the fact that there were not many like-minded people around me. Quite the opposite, I always found strong resistance to change, and it was basically up to me to figure out a way out of this town. 

Anyways, long story short, I ended up in Europe because I got a scholarship from the Colombian government to carry out my master's studies abroad. After my Master´s I found a job in Germany, and my career officially started.

 For many years, I have been quite proud of that career. It was my big achievement, and it was for me a way to say to the world: It is possible; you just need to dare to imagine it, build a plan and then execute it. 

But there I was, coming back to Colombia without that very important piece of my identity, that validation of my worth, and being exposed to many reminders of the life I tried to escape when leaving to Europe.

It was just the perfect setup for my inner critic to be triggered, and after a couple of days, she made her appearance. It wasn't a smooth entry, though. This time, she was very loud from the beginning.

 My inner critic loves to believe that, with Mona Lisa Soul and the coaching practice, I am starting from scratch in a completely unrelated field (by the way, I studied business). 

And when she wants to be mean, she repeats things like you are not good enough, you are not smart enough, you are not talented enough, you are not patient enough, you are not ready yet, etc, etc, etc. 

 On a bad day, she can mess with me and make me forget all the progress I have made in the previous months. But when I manage to gain control over the conversation, I can objectively pull out all the evidence that proves that this journey has been more than rewarding.

Because I am reaching important personal milestones, learning new skills that I always wanted to develop, meeting amazing people, and most importantly, helping these people unlock their potential.

If you ever tried something new, I am sure you are familiar with this voice. That little voice inside our heads that likes to chime in with negative self-talk and criticism.

 And of course, this is not the first time I have to deal with my inner critic. We have a long history together.

But knowing how important is to be in a positive mental space to cope with all that comes with being an entrepreneur, I decided to sit down at the table with my inner critic and have a long-overdue conversation with her.

I want to remark that I don't want my inner critic to go away since she is an important compass for me. But I felt that I had to create new rules and boundaries for our interaction when certain emotions arise.

 Reflecting on it, the reason why this conversation didn't happen before is that, in the past, I always tried to evade these emotions. I used to make 1,000 plans so that I could keep myself busy and escape from unpleasant things. 

But this time, I realized that I could use my coaching skills to start looking at things with curiosity. 

And for the first time in many years, I decided to just let things be, without judgment or resentment. 

Without feeling the responsibility or the need to fix everything and everyone around me, but just flowing and observing. 

 When I made that decision, I felt like something was unlocked.

From that moment on, I started to let go of the self-imposed pressure of proving my worth to others... At the end of the day, there is nothing to be proven, not even to myself.

This automatically gave a break to my inner critic and dramatically improved the quality of the interactions I was having with the people around me. I was no longer playing an ego game, but just having conversations from human to human. 

And in most of these conversations, I started to notice that people were really interested in my journey to Europe. Regardless of me being at the hairdresser, or at the dentist people wanted to talk about the same thing. They wanted to know how I made it. They wanted tips on how to immigrate to another country. 

I do not believe in coincidences. And, I realized the universe wanted me to think of how many things have happened since I left. How much I have learned in this journey and how much these experiences and lessons have prepared me to climb the mountain I am climbing right now. The universe wanted me to finally have that conversation with my inner critic so that I could move forward with my dreams and projects

And talking about moving forward, something caught my attention was that as I was talking about my own experience with these people, I started noticing a lot of resistance whenever I talked about the importance of learning another language as part of the main things to consider when one wants to immigrate. In Colombia, it is not common for people to be bilingual. And it became very clear to me that this often triggered the inner critic of my counterparts.

 I heard things like “I tried so many times in the past to learn languages, but I always failed," “I can't learn English," “I am not talented," etc., etc., etc.

 But then, released of the obligation to prove anything to anyone, I was able to admit to these people that I wasn't that fluent in languages either when I first arrived in Europe. It felt so liberating to say that out loud. 

Today that´s a good anecdote but actually, I still remember my first day in Europe, standing in the train station where I was supposed to take the train to France, which was the last leg of my trip, and feeling a deep sense of regret. The cold, the indifferent faces of people passing by, and the grey sky all added to my misery. But things got really bad when I tried to ask for help to move my three suitcases and people couldn't understand what I was trying to saying, neither in French nor English or in Spanish

I remember that I started to cry, wondering if leaving my comfort zone was worth it. Then, I started to ask myself: would I be able to communicate? Would I be able to adapt to this new culture? Would I make any friends? Would I be able to understand what my classmates or teacher are saying?

 All of those questions were adding to the weight of my suitcases.

I wished I could simply be teletransported to Medellin, but since that was not an option and I was very tired of traveling, I decided to board that train and ended up in France.

 And that decision made all the difference in my life. Already then, I realized that focusing on the size of the mountain to climb was not getting me anywhere. It would just make my inner critic and my anxiety get out of control, and I would end up reactively giving up on one of the most important dreams of my life. 

So, I decided to take things slowly—one step at a time. Then, objective No.1 became to be able to introduce myself. Objective 2: comprehend the material of the lessons. Object 3: integrate with the group. Objective 4: Being confident with public speaking. 

That one was already quite ambitious, given my level of english back then and it took a while but anyway little by little, I built the skill. And more than that, I learned that anything can be learned.

Remembering that was a big thing for me.

It made me reflect on the fact, that we are in different phases of different journeys.

Sometimes we are beginners, and sometimes we are experts. But regardless of where we are, what matter is what we believe about ourselves and how consistently we are showing up for what matters the most to us. 

Also, after reflecting on the story I just told you, my inner critic and I concluded that the secret has never been to be special, smart, or talented. 

Instead, the secret was always to embrace failure and fear as part of the process. 

It is all about dreaming big, believing that one can, starting small, and acting today. 

The secret is doing everything you can and then, letting go of any expectations. Because Only at that point, life surprises you, and all the effort is going to compound.

Another thing that my inner critic and I want you to remember from today´s episode is that talent is overrated. As a matter of fact, the idea of talent is one of the most dangerous myths that humans have created. It is the perfect non-perfect excuse to do nothing. It’s a dream killer because it outsources our power to circumstances that we cannot control but instead end up controlling us.

 There is a quote from Henry Ford that says “Whether you think you can or you think you cannot, you are right”. And I love this quote because it challenges us to believe that we have more power over the things that happen to us than we think. 

 And the truth is that we are meaning-making machines, constantly creating stories. Most of the time, these stories are not based on facts but on our own very limited perception of reality. A reality that only a few people can question.

 Sometimes, it is easier to convince ourselves that we are not enough or that we aren’t ready to start what we want to start instead of putting in the hard work to accomplish what we want.

We often see books or videos with titles such as The Ten Secrets of Wealth or 5 Steps to Go from Zero to Hero. Sometimes they provide useful information, but very often they are just vague and leave us with the false impression that things are easier than they look. 

But nothing worth having comes easy. Big things take time. And the problem is that we live in a culture that doesn’t reward the process but only focuses on outcomes. And when we hit reality, we tend to believe that we are the ones who are not capable and end up dropping the project, giving up on our dreams.

When we focus on the journey instead of the end result, we can recognize that the process of learning and growing is way more important than the goal itself, and we become more resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks. What matters is to build momentum, start and keep showing up, no matter what. Progress over perfection.

And this is exactly the reason why it is so important to learn to redefine the relationship with your inner critic. 

Just as a captain must navigate rough waters and steer their boat to safety, talking to your inner critic requires being in command of your thoughts and steering them towards self-confidence, towards rewarding the journey and not the outcome, towards acknowledging yourself for showing up despite the fear and uncertainty. 

Once you master this, you will have a stronger sense of control and a clear understanding of how to navigate through challenges to reach your desired destination. You´ll have those challenges, it is part of the journey. 

I would like to close the episode today by inviting you to think about your relationship with your inner critic. What triggers him or her? when is he or she useful? what rules and boundaries would you like to give him or her? what relationship would you like to have in the future?

Once again, thank you so much for listening. 

I hope you liked this episode. 

It was not easy to record this podcast, but I hope you found one thing that I said useful. 

Next week, we time we will be talking about growth mindset.

Dont, forget to subscribe if you don't want to miss it.

If you have any comments, suggestions, ideas feedback, don't hesitate to let me know. 

Until next time.